Hey There, I'm a family medicine resident in Canada. I thought I would offer some honest feedback for what it's worth from someone who is on a residency interview committee. I think your personal statement is good but there are some grammatical errors (especially sentence fragments) that you should fix. Get someone with an eye for grammar to read it over. Also, parts of it read a bit pretentious. Get as many people as possible to give it a read for you. Feel free to email me at medstudentitis@gmail.com if you want more specific comments.
I think the form is interesting and different than what most people are writing. The short paragraphs are nice breaks for people who have likely been reading the same drivel for essays on end.
Concrete examples are always miles better than vague proclamations.
MSI: I am aware of the sentence fragments. I do occasionally use them for effect, but am aware that I have overused them in certain places here. And that there are several places where it doesn't flow as well as I would like. I am confident that the finished product will be much better, and if I do use a sentence fragment, it will be because it has to be that way. I'm sorry you find certain bits of it pretentious, that certainly wasn't my intent. Although I suspect I know which sentences you mean. I will be going over it with a fine-toothed comb. Thanks for the offer to give more concrete suggestions! When I have a draft that's further along, do you mind if I fire it off to you? It would be really helpful to see what someone from the trenches thinks.
ABB: Thanks. That's always been one of my favourite poems! :) And that line is a bit of a personal motto...
You're using m-dashes wrong. I think you're trying to use them for separation/emphasis, but it's not working. In the first paragraph, just use a period and start a new sentence. Second paragraph: either a comma or semi-colon. (It's still a sentence fragment, but that's okay.) Third paragraph (first one): use a semi-colon. Second time: period/new sentence. Fourth paragraph: comma (first one), period/new sentence (second). Fifth paragraph: semi-colon. Sixth paragraph: comma. Seventh paragraph: comma.
I still love the structure, but it does need work. I probably won't be able to resist eventually putting it into Word, making it bleed, and shooting it back to you, but don't have time right this instant. Looking forward to future iterations.
Hmmm...there are a lot of words here, I think it needs more pictures!
:-)
I like this tons. I'm thinking that I should really undergo an exercise like this for myself. I have no idea what direction I would take it, though. I just love the idea of: "In case I've missed last week's episode, here's what's happened so far."
Ultimate suggestion: if you take a picture of yourself wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm not being pretentious," that would address the above concern, as well as my first. :-)
5 comments:
Hey There,
I'm a family medicine resident in Canada. I thought I would offer some honest feedback for what it's worth from someone who is on a residency interview committee. I think your personal statement is good but there are some grammatical errors (especially sentence fragments) that you should fix. Get someone with an eye for grammar to read it over. Also, parts of it read a bit pretentious. Get as many people as possible to give it a read for you. Feel free to email me at medstudentitis@gmail.com if you want more specific comments.
Good luck.
I think the form is interesting and different than what most people are writing. The short paragraphs are nice breaks for people who have likely been reading the same drivel for essays on end.
Concrete examples are always miles better than vague proclamations.
And of course I love the Tennyson line! ;)
Well done.
Thanks guys!
MSI: I am aware of the sentence fragments. I do occasionally use them for effect, but am aware that I have overused them in certain places here. And that there are several places where it doesn't flow as well as I would like. I am confident that the finished product will be much better, and if I do use a sentence fragment, it will be because it has to be that way. I'm sorry you find certain bits of it pretentious, that certainly wasn't my intent. Although I suspect I know which sentences you mean. I will be going over it with a fine-toothed comb. Thanks for the offer to give more concrete suggestions! When I have a draft that's further along, do you mind if I fire it off to you? It would be really helpful to see what someone from the trenches thinks.
ABB: Thanks. That's always been one of my favourite poems! :) And that line is a bit of a personal motto...
Okay, if you're looking for heavy-duty editing:
You're using m-dashes wrong. I think you're trying to use them for separation/emphasis, but it's not working. In the first paragraph, just use a period and start a new sentence. Second paragraph: either a comma or semi-colon. (It's still a sentence fragment, but that's okay.) Third paragraph (first one): use a semi-colon. Second time: period/new sentence. Fourth paragraph: comma (first one), period/new sentence (second). Fifth paragraph: semi-colon. Sixth paragraph: comma. Seventh paragraph: comma.
I still love the structure, but it does need work. I probably won't be able to resist eventually putting it into Word, making it bleed, and shooting it back to you, but don't have time right this instant. Looking forward to future iterations.
Hmmm...there are a lot of words here, I think it needs more pictures!
:-)
I like this tons. I'm thinking that I should really undergo an exercise like this for myself. I have no idea what direction I would take it, though. I just love the idea of: "In case I've missed last week's episode, here's what's happened so far."
Ultimate suggestion: if you take a picture of yourself wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm not being pretentious," that would address the above concern, as well as my first. :-)
Post a Comment