Onward!

In the bleak midwinter, snow had fallen; snow on snow.



I'm no longer studying on a beach in the Caribbean. The beach in the picture above, and in the blog banner, is the southern shore of Georgian Bay. A bit different from the sunny, white sand beaches of the Caribbean, isn't it? And instead of just being home for a few weeks and heading back to the Caribbean, I'm not going back.

I'll be here for the next few months, studying for Step 1, and taking some needed time off. It's a bit bittersweet, this whole leaving the island thing. I had a good time on the island. Unlike some of my colleagues, with their palpable if-it-isn't-like-the-good-old-US-of-A-and-doesn't-have-a-Walmart-it-is-beneath-contempt attitude, I enjoyed the slower pace of life, the inefficiencies, and the island culture (the little of it I participated in). But I was raised in Africa, and I found the island culture (and my experience) somewhat similar to my childhood. And as I mentioned in my last post, I tend not to stress about things over which I have no control.

So I'm not going back to the Caribbean. And, for the most part, I am now done with classroom work. That is a good thing. As generally good as classes were for the last two years, I feel ready to start seeing patients. Not because I'm ready to care for them, but because I'm ready to learn how to.

I spent the day in the ER with my sister and uncle today. I got to interview several patients and saw a couple of interesting cases. And what surprises me is how much I actually know.

I had a similar experience taking one of my exams last week. Halfway through the exam, which is a fairly comprehensive exam, I was struck by the breadth of my knowledge. Now, I'm the first to know that I still have a LOT to learn. In the ER today, I was constantly recognizing things, but not knowing the actual answer. Or I knew the mechanism, or molecular interaction, but not how this would actually impact the patient's treatment.

But I am conscious of a sort of satisfaction at the amount I have already learned. And while I still stand in the back during a code, and feel useless (because I am), I don't feel like an impostor any more.

And thanks to the medical blogs I read, I was able to recognize my first drug-seeker.